Post # 1: A Rant

H'ok. Virgin ears, depart. Those who can't handle a little borderline insanity interlaced with angry misplaced patriotism, flee to the hills.

Also, to those sensitive to the current events at hand, no, this is not just a Michigan bashing rant, this has been running around in my head for quite some time, but I needed a spark. Tonight I got it.

Here goes: I was watching TV tonight, which is usually all it takes to remind me why I don't watch a lot of TV. I saw a commercial with Bill Ford in it, saying how innovative and understanding the Ford Motor Co. is, and how the next great series of automobiles, including hybrids, will be made by Ford.

I stopped, and looked at this man, along with the Kennedys pretty much the only other "American Royalty", clearly a little dopey and reading off a cue card, which is fine, but he didn't exactly strike me as someone who inspires innovation. And why would he? A question sprung into me: Are Americans capable of being 'innovative'? Is the Ford motor company?

It seems to me that the Japanese are the innovators, we are more the inventer type. That is to say, we generally prefer to blow things up and start over completely with a new idea and make something completely different, whereas the Japanese have made a career out of "What's that electronic device do? Oh, well we can manufacture it the same way, but we'll make it do one other thing, too." type innovations.

First it was a record player, then it had an 8 track slot, then a tape deck, then two tape decks (the one on the right was for high speed dubbing, of course) then the record player got smaller and used a laser instead of a needle, and they sold it with a tape deck, so you could record onto a CD. Then they invented the mini disc, which was a CD inside of a tape. Though the idea never took off, it played to being an innovation of the three most recognizable music storage systems ever. And that, for the most part, is what the Japanese people do, what they manufacture, and what they make their living off of. Technological stuff, and making it run better. It's not a bigoted thing, and certainly, their reputation for making stuff work is well deserved.

Which brings us to cars. Henry Ford had an idea, actually a few, to invent something different. Completely out of left field. It was a success. Then the Japanese, after you know, some American intervention (bombs and that sort of thing) decided they wouldn't do the military thing anymore, they'd just take our stuff and make it run better.

I drive American cars. I've owned a Buick, and now I own a Dodge. I liked the Buick because it was wholly American: big, boxy, boaty and had room for 17 people. It wasn't sleek, but it was cool, with lots of unecessary chrome and a pedestrian aimer on the hood. The shocks were terrible, the seats looked like kitchen towels, and it had bench seats and a column shifter. It had a really, really well placed cupholder. It was my mini-apartment on wheels, room for everything, and I was in it an awful lot, and I will probably buy another one.

Now, a lot of people drive American cars for different reasons. I'm a big guy, so liking big cars shouldn't be a surprise. That seat in the Buick went so far back you were technically in the back seat while driving, which I liked. Some people are downright mean in their choice to drive American cars: "No rice rockets for me, man, I only drive American cars. (That were probably manufactured in Mexico.)"

Ok, let's review. We like to get our vengence anyway we can, it's true. We think we're really sticking it to the man overseas by buying a domestic car only, or that we're really helping ourselves out by sticking with Detroit instead of... well I dunno, Tokyo? But aren't these companies public? Certainly, there are some American investors with money in Nissan or Toyota, and they might be really happy when people buy those cars, because it helps their own personal nut in some small way. And couldn't there be people in Japan who own Ford stock whoo-hooing everytime someone tears off a lot in Frog Balls, Tennessee in a Mustang?

So patriotism in automobiles aside, the question remains: Are we really innovators? Do we think outside the box when something in our lives breaks, or do we just get a new one? I had a thought about a year ago "Maybe I'll get the toaster fixed." and then began laughing, as I dropped it into the trash can. F that, I'll just go to WalMart and buy another one, who fixes anything anymore? I don't even know where you would go to fix a toaster.

Years ago, a friend and I were driving around, because that's what we did in those days, and I saw a huge TV by the curb. I was a youngin at the time and wanted a nice TV, and neglecting to note that it was probably garbage, I stopped. We looked at the TV, and it was in a big cabinet and looked really nice, plus it was friggin huge. "Mario Bros. will look awesome on that..." So we proceeded up the driveway to ask the gentleman inside if we could have his TV.

"Well yeah, but it doesn't work, it just went blank about 3 hours ago, but you can have it if you want it kid."

"It's just that it's really nice looking, and I have a crappy TV now, maybe if I could get it fixed it would be worth it, cause it's big."

"Knock yourself out kid, like I said, it was a nice TV, but it just went blank."

So we tried putting it, the big TV, into my friend's car (Nissan). And then we tried again. And from the passenger side as well. And then we stopped because we were getting lightheaded from carrying the TV and trying to fit it into a Nissan. "Fuck this, it's not going to fit."

"We can come back for it tomorrow in my dad's truck (Ford) if you want." my friend replied. And so we did, in his big ole truck, and we tow dollied it right on in, and lifted it up and drove off, no problem at all. Now, just to get it fixed. So I open the back, it was about 6 screws. I'm thinking maybe there's just a small thing that needs repair. Well, I broke a calculator once in 6th grade and saw a few microchips, but I was not prepared for this. Inside this HUGE cabinet, that weighed a lot, was a system of microchips and wires that I don't think anybody could understand. Moreover, nobody would offer even to look at it, much less repair it. We had to use his dad's big ole truck again to take it to the garbage dump, cause it damn sure wasn't going in my dad's car (Acura)

So fine, Japanese cars are smaller and more efficient and sleeker and I suppose indirectly sexier. But advertising has led us to believe that it's not macho to drive a Prius, it's not patriotic to drive a rice rocket. Look at the Marlboro Man, for goodness sakes. A successful ad campaign directly targeting men and saying "You're not a fag, are you? Oh, well then do this. It's the MANLY thing to do..." And of course he's a cowboy, an entirely American invention. Advertising loves to screw with our heads, and our insecurities. Besides, it's inherently American to be a bit wasteful, to drive a huge boat of a car and Damn the torpedos and the gas prices. When you do try and get something repaired, be an easy to pick up toaster or a TV in a cabinet that almost made me drop a third testicle, you get burned.

And, also worth mentioning, the Ford family owns Ford Field, home of the Detroit Lions. They are the principle owners of the team, and when it comes to improving a product they sell, be it a car or a football club, they've been pretty fucking abysmal in both aspects for a long time. This employee pricing shit was supposed to be short term, but still nobody's buying their cars. The Fords have kept in office Matt Millen, and look what he's done to that team, to that organization. They haven't been a playoff team since 1999, and when they draft, they draft crap players, or ones that aren't right for their system. They don't fire Matt Millen, and fans hold up signs offering him in trade for bin Laden; and then they turn around and tell Steve Mariucchi to pack his bags? Huh?

Are we really supposed to trust the Ford family to innovate their cars any better? I would expect them to fire good workers, build their cars out of shoddy materials, manufacture the wrong types of cars for the times, and not be very successful on a whole, given what they've done from a football standpoint. And it basically shows in their automotive work: They fire 30,000 people, had the whole recall issue with the Explorer, keep pushing the gas guzzling Mustang when they oughta be making some hybrids and more efficient cars, and maybe things would work out better.

I am rooting for Ford to succeed, obviously. I like American cars, and I wouldn't mind owning one from every company at some point, but maybe the problem is in advertising. Nobody wants innovation, that's a foreign idea. Maybe they need a cowboy selling cars, something wholly American, something that targets American male insecurities.

Oh wait, now cowboys are gay too. Shit, and they win awards for it. Oh well, another good advertising idea down the drain. Guess I might have to cave eventually and buy a rice rocket.

-CR